Unemployed...

My newest adventure-Unemployment. In Decemeber, I was notified that I was going to be let go end of January... It was a finacial decision blah blah blah based on seniority blah blah blah. Now Im not going to go into what my personal thoughts are on the matter other than-I understand letting people go based on finances and seniority but other reasons/ways it happened-Im less than thrilled, but thats a 10 page rant on its own.

So now why am I writing this at 12:30am on some random Thursday morning? Lets just say today has been what ive been waiting all week for-a meltdown. I have these occasionally. This week I've been overemotional and so today it finally happened. tears. I cant help them and have decided just to let them fall. I figure a good cry is easier than holding them back. However tonight just wont quit. This week has been discouraging. since being notified of being let go i have been on three job interviews (2 of 3 said no-the other I havent heard from yet); sent out 2 resumes; checked all the hospitals in the area three times-all want nurses or physical therapists...and signed up for careerbuilder, monster, and nata.org (athletic training website)... Both careerbuilder and monster seem to think athletic trainer means physical therapist or nurse. (both are incorrect) and NATA has 50% grad assistant jobs or are nowhere i want to live... ALL this plus not hearing from a job-i thought I had a really good shot at getting-are really starting to add up.

Plus it doesnt help Im not really sure what I want to do. I would love to keep working as an athletic trainer in a school setting or as a physician extender. The only problem is-this is a TERRIBLE time to look for an athletic training job. Noone is hiring right now. any decent athletic trainer would quit a job in may-give the employer the summer to find a job; new contracts arent really signed until march/april... Im starting to wonder what the future of athletic training holds. I dont know if its just because I had a not so great experience here. but It seems like the people in charge dont see the value of an athletic trainer. Only the schools and communities. But they arent going to pay 30 thou a year to keep someone at the school. People always told me to get something extra with athletic training to make me more marketable... like a teaching cert. or pta or pt... but I dont want to be a teacher or be only in the clinic... and i find it hard to justify going back to school for something I dont really want to do. especially when its my money. so then what do i go back to school for??? no idea-I wish I wanted to be a physician assistant or nurse or physical therapist. but i dont. I dont know what I want to do and thats the most frustrating thing. I thought I had it all figured out-i loved what I did and thought that would be enough... but its not. I would love to just take photography classes or art classes... but thats a harder market to break into i feel than athletic training-to be really successful in that-i wouldn't even know where to start yet... and then am I done being an athletic trainer?

And i know i have options to go anywhere I want, but thats just even more overwhelming to think of-will i go the right place? How can I leave my friends? i was finally completely happy being here-ok decatur wasnt the greatest place and sure somewhere with clean air would be nice. But (almost) all my friends live in a 3 hour circle from me. I went over a year with feeling sad and alone and I finally got it all together and was happy, and enjoying life... and now---I cant imagine not having these people in my life. and i know it cant last forever, but couldn't it be for more than a year? I know I've wished for adventure and the opportunity to go somewhere fun and do somethign incredible... but where was that opportunity when I didnt have friends around here and felt alone. Why cant i get the timing right?

ARG!!! ok I need to go to bed-not that going to sleep will help. I tend to think about things that bother me the most right before bed :(